My mom asks me why I think she is insane. Now (as if this is a first) I have a concrete example that I can show her :)
First a little background: several years ago, my mom started getting really paranoid that someone was stalking her. Here is the evidence she had to support her theory; rocks in the front yard landscaping were being turned over in the middle of the night ( ooOH!), scratches in the furniture were appearing while she was out (I can remember putting one of those in as a child, but she wont listen), bolts holding things together in the house were being loosened (god forbid that should happen after 15 years of structural neglect!), a bike also disappeared out of the front yard (again obviously the stalker) and the list has gone on for the last 5 or so years.
In response to this threat she has this house wired up like Fort Fucking Knox!!!! There is a motion sensor in every room, all the doors are alarmed, there are video cameras everywhere (mission impossible style in the smoke alarms too), and for several months, she would sneak my brothers out of the house after dark so the evil doer wouldn't see, and a retired policeman/PI would come and sit in the house all night waiting for said evildoer to come and loosen more screws (there werent any left to loosen in my moms head though). All the while I am sitting back enjoying the show whenever I come to visit.
I woke up this morning to the house alarm. Yes all 50,000 watts of screaming highpitched siren. Apparently when my mom left this morning she forgot I was here and reset the alarm. Isnt that safe of her! When I rolled over in bed, that triggered the motion sensor. The security company calls but because I am not on the approved security list (she wont put me on because she isnt entirely convinced I am not the stalker) they cant deactivate the alarm. Apparently they were able to get ahold of her at the school eventually. She told them I was ok, and to reset the alarm. So they did. It stopped for 3 seconds, just enough time for me to take out my earplugs, and then started again! They reset it, but didnt turn it off. By this point the neighbors are coming by to see what is up; I just shake my head, they nod, and walk away. Mom wont give me her passowrd (remember I might still be the one turning over rocks in the night) and insists she is driving the 30 min home to deactivate it herself. Awesome. Earplugs in, knife in hand, I went about "deactivating" the alarms by cutting wires until I was either shocked or the thing shut up. All but the outside alarm are now "deactivated" as I sit and wait for psycho lady to get home.
Oh, whatddaya know! the alarm turned off again! Now I get to sit perfectly still while typing until she gets home so I dont trip the motion sensor again.
Welcome to my life!
I want to get back to Oregon.
Global Warming
November 27, 2007
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4 comments:
ha ha that is so funny.
Oh my God, babe! I feel so bad for you!
...But crazy frustration for you makes ha-ha hilarity for the rest of us.
ok, so i too (just like your mom) am starting to think that i have a stalker, but in korea, not california. this happened once before. i came home late at night to my apartment, only to find that my toilet seat was up. i had not cleaned recently, and i dont have a penis so there was no explanation other than SOMEONE ELSE was in my apartment. later i found out that a realtor was showing people my apartment without my consent.
literally two minutes before i read your blog, i noticed something weird. SOMEONE ELSE has definitely been in my apartment today. the kitchen sink strainer is gone. it was there when i left earlier today. i checked the garbage and the compost. the sink strainer is definitely missing, which means that SOMEONE ELSE was in my apartment today!!!!!! i am with your mom. someone is stalking me.
hey..are you two going to Thailand? I saw your comment on Mikey's blog. I'll be there from Jan 6-20 climbing on Ton Sai Beach.
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